Sunday, 16 January 2011

He Was There

Some of the things that come in to mind are simply inexpressible through the act of typing, writing down one’s thoughts as they come to mind. But only the psychologically ill fated will find that emotional pain, not expressed through interpersonal contact, can be the reason that I stay awake at night. Pure pleasure I take in watching Sitcoms, TV Series and other form of passive entertainment; they take me to another world, a world where I cannot be disturbed, a fake built up structure of predefined emotion, comforting, yet so alarming. I have no reason to even write this down for you, to lay it out plain and easy, this is my state, this is what it has come down to. No more being in any responsibility, even trying hardest to isolate myself. I have no friends, and if I would ever wanted some, I’d sure be uncomfortable. This is not what should have happened. I have no focus to be even going on, my future is fading away, the present is now all that I want to go past, I have a void; it can only be filled by the most junkiest of foods, delicious, fatty and fast. None of that veggie stuff. Ashamed of myself as I am now, I have never been. It is a new low, here sitting typing this, for you to even reading this, for me even wasting your time. The younger days, gone way past, I feel exposed and so self conscious. This is why this document will never be found. I will hide it, treasure it and never let anyone see it. I get nothing done, but, as the years will go by this particular writing will serve as a constant reminder of my uselessness, and my one choice to never expose myself. Who will I be kidding; who am I kidding; sure, it is you. Yes, proud viewer, you will be the one who will soon find himself exposed. America is great, really awesome, with their great Sitcoms, yes, you should watch more, find out what life is really about. I guarantee you will be so happy that people have thought so long and hard to even bother distracting you enough to be happy, because real life, life in the purest form, cannot be achieved by me writing text down, by you watching me do it, but by thinking long and hard, which might sound distracting from someone who doesn’t know a thing about relationships, or as a matter of fact anything. It is all a big blur, I never get things done. Period.

I am sorry to have wasted you time, and this is the longest I can go on for sitting on a box,
Sebastian Huber